How Involved Should Parents Be with Their Young Adult Child’s Life?

Times have changed. Parenting has, too. Thirty years ago, Generation X’s parents didn’t always know where their kids were after school. Without smart phones or computers, many Gen X kids played outside or hung out with peers IRL. And their parents often didn’t have an understanding of their inner lives. By the time they reached young adulthood, parent involvement was limited and they were expected to be on their own. Not so today.

According to the results of two recent surveys, modern American parents are highly involved with their Millennial and Generation Z young adult children, offering both emotional and financial support. Most don’t view their involvement as a sign that their adult children have failed to launch, either. On the contrary, the surveys reveal that today’s young adults and their parents are much more connected, and they like it that way.

Key Takeaways

• Parents and their young adult children have more close-knit relationships than they did 30 years ago.
• Young adults mature more slowly because people get married and have children later than in years past and because the cost of living makes financial independence harder to attain.
• More than half of young adults today turn to their parents at least sometimes for advice on jobs, finances, or their physical health.
• Parents and young adults are finding benefits in living under the same roof.

2023 Statistics on Parents’ Involvement with Adult Children

The two Pew Research Center surveys were conducted in late 2023. The first included 3,000 adults with one or more young adult children (ages 18–34). The second surveyed 1,500 young adults with at least one living parent. (Parents and young adults were not from the same family units).

Why Young Adults Are Maturing More Slowly

Young adults may reach out to their parents for support and advice more frequently than in decades past because they mature more slowly. Various factors contribute to the fact that young people take longer to transition into adulthood today than in years past.

Arrested Development

The rise in mental health issues like depression and anxiety among youth can lead to a fear of adulting. More than one-third of young adults between 18 and 25 suffers from some kind of mental illness. In addition, the pandemic skip keeps young adults from maturing. It’s the feeling of having skipped important adult milestones due to shutdowns, social distancing, and remote learning and/or work over the past four years.

Staying Single

Furthermore, today’s young adults marry much later than their parents did. In 1993, half of 25- to 29-year-olds were married, compared to 29 percent today. This generation is also delaying parenthood. Thirty years ago, 60% of adults between 30 and 34 had at least child. But only 27 percent of young adults have kids today. Because adult children have not yet formed their own families, their relationships with their parents are often their strongest emotional bond.

Financial Instability

Financial support is one common area of parent involvement. About 6 in 10 parents say they helped their children financially in the past year. Moreover, less than half of young adults between ages 25 and 29 are financially independent. Add to that the higher cost of living and the fact that more young people have educational loans. Today, more young adults have student loans than their parents did, and they owe almost double the amount. With the high cost of housing, fewer young people can afford buy a home. Therefore, about one in three young adults lives with at least one parent.

The Impact of Living with Parents on Young Adults

Living with Mom and Dad or moving back home has both advantages and drawbacks. However, parents and young adults find more pros than cons in cohabitating, according to the surveys. In fact, over half (55%) find living with their parent to be a positive experience.

Among young adults who live with a parent, most (64 percent) say their living arrangement has had a very or somewhat positive impact on their personal financial situation. (It’s worth noting that the most young adults contribute to rent, mortgage payments, or household expenses.)

Young people are more divided on how living at home affects their social life and sense of independence. Young adults are evenly divided on this. About one-third says living at home has had a positive effect on their independence. Another third says the effect has been negative. And the rest say their independence haven’t been impacted.

As for their social life, more than half feel living at home doesn’t impact it, and the other half are divided on the issue. What seems more important than whether young adults live at home is the support they receive from their parents—no matter where they are.

6 Ways Parent Involvement Can Benefit Young Adults

Young adults’ cognitive, emotional, and social skills continue to develop after age 18, up until the late 20s. This ongoing development means parents can still play an important role in ensuring their adult children have the support they need to thrive. Here are some of the ways parents can stay involved with their young adult children.

Provide Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is the most powerful thing you can give your child at any age. When your adult children know you love them even if they do or say something you disagree with, they   can go into the world with greater confidence and security. They’re more able to handle life’s ups and downs because they know they have your support.

The quality of their relationship with you can also affect their mental health. A recent study found that positive adult-child relationships are associated with lower rates of depression and anxiety among young adults. That’s true even if the young adult experienced trauma as a child or teen.

Offer Financial Assistance, Within Limits

It’s important to encourage your young adult children to become financially independent. At the same time, the cost of living and the cost of housing can make it difficult for many young people to support themselves completely, even if they’re working full time.

If you are able to offer your young adult child financial assistance, do so, but set boundaries. Be clear about what you can and can’t do, and for how long, and gradually reduce support over time. This way, you provide your child with a solid foundation while simultaneously teaching them how to take care of themselves. Failing to set boundaries may cause your adult child to lean on you for financial support indefinitely.

Listen and Validate Without Problem-Solving

Learning how to communicate with your grown child effectively is one of the most important things you can do. A study of than 15,000 adolescents found that those who reported high levels of satisfaction with their communication and relationship with their parents experienced better health, more optimism, and more fulfilling romantic relationships in adulthood.

But how do you communicate in a way that respects your adult child’s growing maturity? Unless they’re on the verge of making a dangerous and irreversible mistake, don’t offer young adult children unsolicited advice. And don’t judge their choices. Let them learn from their life experiences. Listening to and validating their feelings is much more important than solving their problems at this age.

Advocate Self-Care

Like many of us, young adults can put a lot of pressure on themselves to succeed as they dive into college or take on a new job. Self-care can take a backseat. Without lecturing, simply share with your young adult that taking care of themselves enables them to achieve more instead of less. Remind them that a healthy diet, regular exercise, adequate sleep, and time with friends create a more balanced lifestyle that fortifies as they move through the rigors of their educational or professional lives.

Encourage Mental Health Treatment, If Needed

As young adults leave home, start college, enter the workforce, and develop their first serious romantic relationships, they undergo intense change. There’s a lot to navigate as they figure out who they are. Some young adults struggle moving through these transitions. Others even undergo a quarter-life crisis.

If your adult child is experiencing intense mood shifts, doing poorly at school or work, engaging in problem substance use, self-isolating, or involved in a toxic relationship, they may be dealing with an underlying mental health issue. While you can’t make them seek counseling, gently encourage them to get professional help. Remind them that doing so isn’t a sign of weakness, but a sign of their willingness to grow.

Agree to Family Therapy

While some young adults may be reluctant to seek therapy, others recognize its usefulness. They may have noticed similarities between the way your family unit handles stress or relationship challenges and the way they do in their adult lives. They may even suggest you participate in family therapy with them. If they do, agree to it.

Having parents involved in family counseling can be a powerful healing experiences for young adults dealing with mental health issues. As a parent, you’ll learn how your behavior hinders or enhances your adult child’s well-being. More than that, family therapy can repair rifts so your child feels safe reaching out to you for support.

When Is Parent Involvement Too Much?

Sometimes well-meaning parents want to step in and help their young adult avoid failure or a painful romantic relationship. But just as with children and teenagers, young adults need to make their own mistakes and learn their own life lessons. That’s essential at this age in order for them to develop healthy autonomy. When parent involvement is actually parent over-involvement, young adults can suffer. For example, one study found that emerging adults with “helicopter parents” were less likely to feel free to explore a career path and more likely to have self-doubt about their chosen career.

Parents may be too involved with their young adult child if they are:

• Pushing their child to share more than they want to about their life
• Trying to control their daily activities in order to keep them safe
• Attempting to make decisions for them about work or school
• Judging their young adult child’s romantic relationships and/or friendships
• Using financial support as a justification to manage their spending

Sometimes, young adults are struggling with emotional or physical health issues and need parents to take over. But if that’s not the case, parents who are overinvolved in the ways listed above may need to take a step back. Listening to and validating young adults’ feelings and being there for them if they misstep is more important than solving their problems.

Young Adult Treatment at Newport Institute

At Newport Institute, our treatment programs are tailor-made for young adults and individualized for each unique young person and family. We help young adults develop authentic connections with others, build self-worth, and learn healthy coping skills. Our programs boast proven effective outcomes in measures of anxiety, depression, family attachment, and more.

We believe involving that parent involvement is an essential component of helping young people thrive. As they repair familial relationships and improve their communication skills, they develop greater confidence, resilience, and hope.

Contact us today to learn how we help emerging adults step more assuredly into the next stage of their lives.

Frequently Asked Questions