Cuffing Season: Is it Good or Bad for Mental Health?

It’s that time again: Daylight is short. A chill is in the air. Parties and holiday events abound. Families gather and celebrate. For some, it’s the “most wonderful time of the year.” But for many young people, late autumn into winter is anything but wonderful.

Unpartnered young adults can feel more alone when temperatures drop and holiday stressors rise. To combat that feeling, they may choose to participate in what’s known as cuffing season.

Key Takeaways

• Cuffing season is a period of time from late autumn through the winter when young people become involved with a romantic partner to pass the colder months.
• People who intentionally get involved in short-term winter relationships often seek to ward off loneliness and manage holiday stress.
• Getting cuffed during the winter can improve or harm mental health, depending on how well partners communicate their desires and respect each other’s boundaries.
• It’s perfectly okay not to have a romantic partner during the winter months and instead focus on friends, family, and yourself.

What Is Cuffing Season?

Cuffing season is a phenomenon that entails partnering up with (or “handcuffing” yourself to) a special someone for the colder months. This time period can stretch from November to Valentine’s Day—even from late October to spring’s arrival in March. While seasonal relationships certainly aren’t new, the term “cuffing season” is. It was first coined by Urban Dictionary in 2011 and has climbed in popularity since 2013, according to Google Trends.

Data backs up this phenomenon. A 2019 Dating.com survey showed a 30 percent increase in overall platform activity between November and February. It also found that of those who reported feeling lonely in the fall and winter, 60 percent used online dating to relieve anxiety or sadness.

Cuffing season is born out of our societal obsession with romantic love and the erroneous belief that we must be partnered to be happy. Seeking a relationship out of conformity, necessity, loneliness, and/or desperation doesn’t sound wise on the surface. But not all seasonal “situationships” are superficial or bad for you. Some can develop into true friendships or even something more serious. It all comes down to what both people want and how clearly they communicate that.

When approached and handled with maturity, cuffing can have mental health benefits. It can reduce loneliness in young people who have cut ties with or live far away from family. And it can alleviate the anxiety of showing up at holiday events alone. Moreover, the physical intimacy a partnership provides can also lower stress, releasing feel-good hormones like endorphins, dopamine, and oxytocin.

On the downside, cuffing can erode mental health when handled poorly. If one or both partners aren’t straightforward from the start, someone can be left feeling misled, rejected, or even heartbroken. Holiday dating can prompt some people to get into an incompatible relationship to avoid loneliness or ward off societal expectations. They may even get into a toxic relationship because they lower their standards out of a desperate need to be “cuffed.” In addition, buying into the notion that you’re worthy only when you’re partnered can lower self-esteem.

How to Avoid the Pressures and Pitfalls of Cuffing Season

Cuffing season doesn’t have to devolve into a high-drama affair complete with hurtful words, slamming doors, and broken hearts. It’s possible to enjoy the benefits of a short-term partner, as long as you clearly communicate what you’re looking for. But it’s also possible to get through cuffing season uncuffed, and even relish it. Whether you look for a winter relationship or sit cuffing season out, keep these things in mind:

Understand Your Intentions

Before you jump into a seasonal relationship, get honest with yourself. Think about what you really want. Someone to show up at holiday parties with? A friend with benefits to keep you warm during the winter months, but nothing too serious? Or are you seeking a more genuine connection in your dating life, but need to move slowly?

What’s important is to consider your current needs and goals rather than fall prey to the expectations of others. Knowing yourself and honoring what you want will help you move through cuffing season more gracefully.

Communicate Clearly

Before entering a “situationship,” be candid. Tell your potential partner what you’re looking for. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that when people feel their partner has not met their standards for openness, they engage in various coping strategies to manage the resulting stress.

Set expectations to minimize the potential for emotional hurt. Communicate your boundaries. Do you want your relationship reserved for holiday events? Will it be physical, too? Are you going to see your partner only on the weekends, or during the week as well? Do you expect to go your separate ways in a couple months or are you open to a longer-term relationship if it feels right? Make sure you’re on the same page to avoid resentment and heartbreak down the line.

Don’t Plan Too Far in Advance

If you’re cuffed for the winter and have been open about your interest in a seasonal-only relationship, don’t plan too far ahead. Don’t agree to meet the family. Pass on the spring concert tickets. Refrain from mentioning you’re looking for someone to go camping with in June. Your partner will take that to mean you’re thinking ahead. Instead, take things a few weeks at a time. You don’t want to fall into a relationship that may not work for you long term. More than that, you don’t want to give a false impression.

Enjoy Friends and Family

You don’t absolutely need a romantic partner to make it through winter. If you’re uncomfortable getting involved in a relationship with an expiration date, don’t. Invest time in nourishing relationships that stimulate you and bring you joy. Enjoy tree-lighting ceremonies with friends. Do movie nights with family. Attend book clubs or volunteer for organizations you believe in. Don’t get caught up in believing that the colder months can’t be sweet without a sweetheart. Fill your calendar with people and events that lift you up.

Focus on Yourself

If you don’t have a special someone and don’t feel like searching, it’s more than okay to spend time with yourself. Focus on self-care, personal growth, and your own goals and desires. You might sign up for a yoga retreat, jump-start a creative project, dive into books you’ve been wanting to read, or attend an inspiring conference.

Prioritizing yourself can help you develop a greater sense of self and build emotional resilience. One study even found that a period of singlehood during young adulthood can have a positive impact later in life, buffering the negative effects of romantic break-ups. Don’t push yourself to find a short-term love if it feels wrong. Participate in activities and practices that make you feel whole. You’ll likely approach dating from a more mature and self-assured place the next time around.

Seek Professional Support

If you find that the arrival of cuffing season is triggering extreme mood changes, intense loneliness, depression, or grief, jumping into a relationship is likely not the healthiest course of action. Instead of trying to fill the void with a short-term relationship, seek treatment during the holidays. Professional help in the form of a counselor, therapist, or treatment center can help you develop coping strategies and make long-term changes so you feel better all year long.

Young Adult Treatment at Newport Institute

At Newport Institute, our tailored treatment plans help young people overcome loneliness and grief, build authentic connections, and work through childhood trauma, which can interfere with the development of intimate connections. A key part of our treatment is Attachment-Based Family Therapy, which is designed to heal attachment wounds and repair ruptured parent-child relationships.

We also guide young people to build authentic connections with peers, therapists, and themselves. Our clinical model utilizes a wide variety of clinical and experiential therapies that address every aspect of a young adult’s health and needs.

To learn how treatment can support young adults to build self-acceptance, self-worth, and healthy relationships with others, contact Newport Institute today.

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