What Is Relationship Depression?

Relationships aren’t always smooth sailing. As with most important parts of life, long-term relationships often involve ups and downs, periods of uncertainty, and hurt feelings. But if you find yourself feeling sad and hopeless about how a relationship is going, on more days than not, you may be experiencing relationship depression.  

It’s important to know the difference between typical relationship difficulties and depression caused by a negative dynamic. Learning how to cope and knowing when to seek support can be critical for your overall well-being and future relationships.

What You’ll Learn

• How do relationships affect our mental health?
• What is relationship depression? 
• What causes relationship depression? 
• When should I get help for relationship depression?

What Is Relationship Depression?

Depression (also known as depressive disorder) is a common mental health condition that impacts nearly 22 million American adults. Symptoms include feelings of sadness, hopelessness, loss of interest, and low energy. A major depressive episode is when a person experiences symptoms of depression for a period of at least two weeks.

Relationship depression, while not a recognized medical diagnosis, is a term used to describe depression in which a relationship is a significant contributing factor. Research shows that problematic parent-child, peer, and romantic relationships increase the chances for a major depressive disorder. 

Symptoms of relationship depression include:

• Increased conflict with partner or other loved one
• Withdrawal emotionally and/or physically from the person
• Physical and/or mental exhaustion
• Loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities
• Feelings of hopelessness and low self-esteem
• Pervasive feelings of sadness
• Irritability and/or mood swings
• Loss of appetite or overeating
• Thoughts of dying or suicide

How Relationships Can Affect Mental Health

Relationships have a powerful effect on our mental health. A strong, healthy relationship provides comfort, security, and connection. In turn, this can boost our mood and energy, and help us maintain a positive outlook on life. Research shows strong relationships from family or significant others reduces anxiety, depression, and stress. 

On the other hand, troubled, toxic, or abusive relationships can cause us to spiral into negative thinking and behavior patterns, question our self-worth, and increase the risk of mental health issues. Poor relationships can diminish your confidence and hold you back from achieving your true potential. 

Relationship depression can sink in over time. You might not notice that you’ve lost interest in activities you previously enjoyed, or have been withdrawing from friends and family. Or you may find yourself crying more frequently but not knowing why, or feeling afraid to show your emotions in front of that person. If you are unable to think clearly, function normally, or break through the cloud of negative thinking, it’s time to seek professional help. 

Causes of Relationship Depression

There are many factors that contribute to relationship depression. Here are some of the most common: 

Infidelity

Infidelity in a romantic relationship can spark or worsen feelings of depression and despair. The emotional pain related to your partner’s actions can damage your self-worth and cause anger and resentment. A person who has been betrayed in this way can develop a sense of mistrust that will carry into future relationships. 

Betrayal

Betrayal can occur in any type of relationship. When a person who is important to you betrays your trust in some way, you’re often left feeling confused, angry, and grieving. Betrayal can take many forms: They might have lied to you about something important, cheated on you with someone else, or shared private information about you with others. 

Abuse

Around 30 percent of women in the US have experienced intimate partner violence, which is linked to depression and other mental health conditions. However, it’s important to remember that emotional abuse, like gaslighting or constant criticism, is also a form of abuse. 

Geographic Distance

Long-distance relationships can be difficult. The lack of your loved one’s physical presence can create a sense of emotional distance, too. And disjointed communication can lead to doubt and feelings of disconnection. Even if your relationship is strong, you may experience continual sadness or numbness related to your inability to see that person or communicate with them more frequently. 

Disappointment

When people we thought we could rely on fail us in some way, we can feel a deep sense of hopelessness and even resentment. Maybe they continue to break their promises. Or they’ve been making decisions contrary to the values you thought you shared. Whatever it is, relationship disappointment is normal. But when it happens consistently, it may lead to relationship depression.

Relationship OCD

Relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder (ROCD) is a type of obsessive-compulsive disorder in which a person constantly questions their relationship or their partner’s qualities. While relationship OCD is not a form of depression, it might cause some of the same symptoms as relationship depression. For example, signs of ROCD include feeling preoccupied and worried about your relationship all the time.

Short- and Long-Effects of Relationship Depression

Relationship depression can impact every aspect of your life. For example, it can interfere with your ability to interact normally with others, manage your daily tasks, rest and relax, and stay motivated to get things done. It can also impact your:

• Relationship with that person
• Friendship and family dynamics
• Children, if you have them
• Ability to be intimate or trust other people
• Connection with yourself
• Future relationships

When Should I Get Help for Relationship Depression?

Relationship difficulties are normal, to some degree. But if you find that a relationship is constantly making you feel depressed, agitated, anxious, or fearful, you may need to take a step back to care for your mental health.

Feeling sad or disappointed with your relationship isn’t unusual. The question is how long you’ve been feeling that way, and how bad the feelings are. If your relationship depression has continued for weeks, months, or longer, seek out a treatment professional to help you sort through your emotions and begin to heal.

Coping with Relationship Depression

Depression and relationships can be a tough mix, but there are ways to cope and increase your sense of well-being.

First, take a good look at your situation

Step back and try to recognize whether your depression is related to circumstances, internal struggles, or the interactions between you and another person. If it’s circumstantial, consider what you can change in your life to support your well-being. If not, reach out to a treatment professional who can help you better understand what you’re going through and take steps toward feeling better.

Do self-care in other areas of your life

Take extra steps to improve your mental health, like taking walks, meditation, creative activities, and talking to other trusted people in your life. 

Try communicating with the person

If your depression is connected to the dynamics between you and someone else, consider communicating your feelings and working through the issues together. If they avoid conversations, or become angry or abusive when you try to speak to them, that’s a good sign to step away from the relationship.  

Consider couples or family therapy

Find out if your partner is willing to go to counseling with you—even short-term counseling to work on better communication or other issues. If your difficult relationship is with a family member, consider whether talking to a therapist together would help you feel safer talking openly about your feelings. 

Seek professional help

If you’re still not sure whether your depression is a result of your relationship or something else in your life, schedule a mental health assessment with a qualified professional. Whether the issue is related to a relationship or another unresolved issue, like childhood trauma or anxiety, they can help you access support to build resilience and thriving.

Treatment for Relationship Depression

Depression is common and can be temporary. But it can also be continuous and disrupt your life. If you find that your relationship is contributing to major bouts of depression and impairing your ability to function, don’t wait to seek out professional help. Untreated, depression can escalate to self-harm or suicidal thoughts. 

At Newport Institute, our specialized, research-backed treatment program can help you recover from depression, anxiety, intimacy issues, substance use, and more. We have helped many others find the path to long-term healing and wellness. 

We’re here to support you in regaining your sense of self and your joy in life. All it takes is that first step to reach out for help. apy, and many other approaches. Our mission is to help emerging adults gain the tools they need for a thriving life.  

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