Polyamory and Mental Health: How Non-Monogamy Impacts Young Adults

Most of us envision monogamous relationships when we think of romantic love. Among young adults, though, paradigms are changing. Monogamy isn’t a thing of the past, but polyamory is growing in popularity. But does polyamory increase mental health or erode it?

Polyamorous relationships may seem more complicated—and they can be. But many young adults believe they can provide significant support, meaning, authenticity, and happiness. 

Key Takeaways

• Polyamory is a form of consensual non-monogamy that involves having close romantic and/or sexual relationships with more than one person at a time, with the consent of everyone involved.
• Young adults are exploring and embracing polyamory for a number of reasons, including the proliferation of social media, longer lifespans, and declining marriage rates.
• Some studies show that people in polyamorous relationships are as happy or happier than people in monogamous relationships. 
• Regardless of whether you’re monogamous or polyamorous, healthy relationships require good communication, compassion, trust, and respect.

How Widespread Is Polyamory?

Data on the prevalence of polyamory is limited. A study of 3,438 single adults found that 1 out of 6 (7 percent) would like to engage in polyamory. And about 10 percent have engaged in polyamory at some point in the past. Interestingly, the study found that political affiliation, income, religion, geography, and race/ethnicity didn’t have an impact on interest in or experience with polyamory. The study did find, however, that sexual minorities, men, and younger adults reported a greater desire to engage in polyamory (compared to heterosexuals, women, and older adults, respectively).

When it comes to young adults, a YouGov study found that only half of Millennials want a completely monogamous relationship. And the dating site Tinder reported that 41 percent of Gen Zers are open to or seeking non-monogamous relationships. 

Polyamorous relationships are becoming more commonplace in entertainment, too. TV series (like the reality show “Couple to Throuple”), movies, and podcasts are exploring the topic. The trend could be inflating the prevalence of non-traditional relationships. But the truth is that many young adults are seeking relationships that don’t fit into a traditional box.

Why Is Polyamory Growing in Popularity Among Young Adults?

It’s hard to pinpoint a single reason that polyamory is growing in popularity among young adults. But there’s no doubt that society has undergone massive changes over the last 50 to 70 years. These changes have caused young people to rethink how they approach and structure their intimate relationships. Some of polyamory’s major drivers are:

Online Dating

The Internet exposes people to information about everything—and everyone—under the sun at lightning speed. In seconds, people can connect with large numbers of people anywhere in the world. As dating platforms normalize polyamory and allow young adults to interact with more people than ever before, polyamory has grown.

Media Influence

Television, podcasts, film, books, and articles are showcasing polyamorous relationships more widely than ever before, too. By reflecting existing social trends, the media also builds on them. Hence, as polyamory has become more visible in mainstream media, young adults are exploring and embracing it in greater numbers.

The Age of Experimentation

Young adults are naturally more inclined to experiment and challenge norms. Many don’t have the same responsibilities as older adults—like children, mortgages, or aging parents to take care of. So they’re less focused on security and stability, and more focused on finding what brings them joy and fulfillment. That may involve experimenting by trying different jobs, living in different places, and choosing different relationship experiences.

Questioning Marriage

Once a foundational part of most people’s lives, marriage is becoming less commonplace. In 1980, just 6 percent of 40-year-olds had never been married. But as of 2021, that number jumped to 25 percent, according to a Pew Research Center analysis of Census Bureau data. As young people move away from a focus on marriage, they’re more open to other kinds of relationships.

Loss of Faith in Monogamy

As young people watch their parents or others around them struggle with infidelity and divorce, they’re leaning toward less traditional relationships. Some feel polyamory doesn’t put as much pressure on one person to fulfill all their physical, financial, intellectual, emotional, social, sexual, and spiritual needs.

An Uncertain Future

The world is filled with so much uncertainty—climate change, political unrest, public health emergencies, economic challenges, and more. So it’s hard for Millennials and Gen Z to believe anything in their lives will remain a constant. Putting all their eggs in one relationship basket can feel like a tenuous foundation. Having more than one intimate connection, on the other hand, can provide a greater feeling of security.

What the Research Says About Polyamory and Mental Health

To monogamous people, polyamory may appear to be bad for mental health. That’s because it seems like it would be jealousy inducing, anxiety provoking, energy draining, emotionally confusing, and stigmatizing. However, research shows that polyamorous relationships may not be any more stressful than monogamous relationships. Below is some of the research on polyamory and mental health.

Stigma and Marginalization

Research analyzing the mental health of 323 LGBTQ+ adolescents showed that polyamorous teens had higher levels of depressive symptoms than their peers. When questioned, the polyamorous teens revealed they didn’t feel safe to disclose that they were polyamorous due to stigmatization. Hence, it was unclear whether their depression was related to the polyamorous relationship itself, or to fear of being marginalized because of the relationship and/or their identity.

Well-Being and Relationship Satisfaction

One study of 60 adults in monogamous and polyamorous relationships found that those in polyamorous relationships had greater mental well-being than those in monogamous relationships. And a larger study looked at relationship satisfaction among 1,177 people in monogamous relationships and 510 people in consensual non-monogamous relationships. Results showed that consensual non-monogamists and monogamists reported similar levels of overall relationship satisfaction. 

Jealousy and Anxiety

Jealousy and insecurity can interfere with mental health in some polyamorous relationships, just as in monogamous relationships. One study of women in both monogamous and consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationships found that those in both types of relationships felt jealousy. Interestingly, however, while monogamous women felt anxiety in connection with jealousy, those in CNM relationships reported that they did not experience anxiety when they felt jealous. Researchers theorized that having accepted other people into their relationships, and having learned to discuss their feelings of jealousy with their partner as a result, helped reduce their anxiety.

Support and Autonomy

Some people in polyamorous relationships have high levels of mental health because they have broader support systems. Furthermore, they feel greater freedom of self-expression, and less pressure to meet all their partner’s needs.

Clearly, both monogamous and polyamorous individuals can experience psychological well-being, passionate love, deep trust, and healthy attachment in their relationships.

Characteristics of Healthy Relationships

Any relationship—monogamous or polyamorous—can be either healthy or toxic depending on the behavior of the people involved. No matter what kind of relationship you’re in, prioritize the following to increase your chances of experiencing fulfillment:

Open and Honest Communication

Speak openly and directly to avoid misunderstandings. Allow each person to share their feelings. Refrain from interrupting. If you must, ask if it’s okay. Listen attentively. Be truthful. Demonstrate that you’ve heard what’s been said. Be willing to see things from more sides than just your own.

Respect

Without respect, it’s hard to have a healthy relationship. Showing respect means not ridiculing or belittling your partner if you disagree. It means valuing their beliefs and honoring their boundaries. In a respectful relationship, you offer space when the other needs it. As well, you don’t push anyone to do something that betrays their values.

Safety

It’s imperative that people don’t feel the need to protect themselves from their partners on any level: physical, emotional, even financial. In healthy relationships, people feel safe. They can relax knowing their partner is looking out for their well-being.

Compromise

It’s unrealistic to think you’re always going to want to do the same things or approach problems the same way. When making decisions about how to clean the house, manage money, or spend a weekend, compromise is essential. Be willing to give a little. If you do, your partner (or partners) will be more likely to do the same.  

Individuality

Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you’re no longer an individual. Don’t give up your friends, hobbies, and dreams for anyone. Maintain a life beyond your relationship. You’ll have more to bring to an intimate relationship if you have outside interests and activities. Don’t compromise your identity for anyone.

Compassion

Each of us has challenges and needs support. Being able to share your feelings with a partner who expresses compassion rather than judgment goes a long way in any relationship. When you feel judgment creeping up, imagine first how your partner might be feeling. Soften your stance. Encourage them when they’re down and let them know how much you care.

Trust

Frequent expressions of suspicion can erode the foundation of any relationship. If you’re constantly second-guessing your partner and questioning their motives, resentments can build. Trust, on the other hand, allows people to relax. Make sure to give one another the benefit of the doubt.

Equality

In healthy relationships, no one dominates another on the regular. While partners might play with dominance and submission in the bedroom, they don’t control one another in day-to-day life. Healthy relationships involve a balance of give and take.Newport’s Anxiety Treatment for College Students 

Young Adult Mental Health Treatment at Newport Institute

At Newport Institute, we believe that healthy relationships (of all types) are foundational to a happy life. In our outpatient and residential locations around the country, we help young adults address a wide variety of chronic mental health conditions that may be preventing them from forming and maintaining loving relationships. 

Mental health issues like depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and childhood trauma can interfere with the ability to create authentic relationships and connections. Whether a young adult is struggling with gaslighting in an abusive relationship, relationship OCD, or low self-worth, we incorporate clinical and experiential therapies, along with life skills training and executive functioning coaching, to help young adults get to the root of their problems. 

A central part of our treatment is Attachment-Based Family Therapy, which helps repair fractured parent-child relationships. We also utilize group therapy to help young people enhance their interpersonal skills, and individual therapy to help them develop greater self-awareness. As they learn to regulate their emotions and develop healthy coping skills, their ability to have healthy relationships naturally improves. 

Contact us today to learn more about our clinical model of care and how we help young adults thrive.

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