Identifying and Healing Adult Child Syndrome

What is an adult child? As defined within the context of mental health, an adult child is someone who grew up in a dysfunctional family environment that prevented them from fully maturing emotionally. Adult child syndrome is characterized by an inability to navigate adult decisions and relationships due to the long-term impact of childhood trauma. 

The term “adult child” was first used by in this context by the organization Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA). ACA defines an adult child as “someone whose actions and decisions as an adult are guided by childhood experiences grounded in self-doubt or fear.” 

What Causes Adult Child Syndrome?

Adult child syndrome originally referred to the experiences and symptoms of children aged 18 and up who grew up in a home where one or more parents or caregivers suffered from alcohol use disorder. However, it is now used to describe adult children who grew up in any type of dysfunctional or abusive home. Rather than being alcoholics, the parent(s) might have had a mental health condition such as PTSD, depression, or a personality disorder, like narcissistic personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, or borderline personality disorder. 

According to research on adverse childhood experiences, having a parent with a mental illness or addiction is a primary cause of childhood trauma. A parent’s mental health or substance use issues can lead to physical or emotional abuse or neglect of their child(ren). Even responsible and loving parents may be unable to fulfill a child’s need for stability and nurturing if they are struggling with their own mental health. Children who grow up in these circumstances are at risk for adult child syndrome. 

Common Characteristics of Adult Children

Mental health experts have identified a set of emotional traits and behaviors that are typical of adult children of alcoholics or parents with other mental health issues. Consequently, common signs of adult child syndrome include:

• Self-doubt and self-blame
• Sense of inferiority 
• Poor judgment and poor boundaries
• Feeling like a child inside
• Constantly seeking praise or approval
• Fear of abandonment
• Having a hard time identifying and expressing one’s emotions 
• Procrastination due to a lack of adult skills
• Low self-esteem
• Impulsive behavior
• Problems with authority figures
• Difficulty having fun or being spontaneous
• High sensitivity to criticism and rejection
• Inability to make decisions without relying on others’ opinions
• Always giving to others without caring for themselves
• Finds it hard to say no to others, feels guilty about standing up for themselves
• Either intense perfectionism and sense of responsibility or the other extreme—risky and irresponsible behavior

How Adult Child Syndrome Impacts Mental Health 

Unfortunately, being raised by a parent who struggled with mental health and/or substance abuse issues increases the likelihood that an adult child will also experience these issues. Research shows that adult children of alcoholics have significantly higher rates of anxiety, depression, panic disorder, phobias, and substance use disorder. 

Essentially, the volatility and stress associated with growing up in a dysfunctional environment leaves adult children with a sense of shame and a lack of trust in themselves or others. Because their needs were not met during childhood, they may struggle with recognizing and filling their emotional needs as adults. In addition, they had to suppress hard feelings, like sadness, fear, or anger, in order to survive childhood. Therefore, they may feel disconnected from their own emotions as adults. 

Overall, adult children often have difficulty with functioning in the adult world, including holding a full-time job and maintaining healthy friendships and romantic relationships. For young adults, this can result in failure to launch—which may mean they end up living at home with parents. If the parent has received treatment for their issues, this can be an opportunity for healing the parent-child relationship. If not, the various problems can become worse. 

5 Personality Subtypes in Adult Children

In a two-part study using data collected by the National Institute of Mental Health, researchers identified five personality subtypes in adult children of alcoholics:

1. Inhibited: passive, self-conscious, depressed, anxious, ashamed, feelings of inadequacy, guilt, discomfort in social situations
2. Externalizing: more likely to abuse drugs/alcohol, act impulsively, take advantage of others, and be manipulative, critical, deceitful, and angry
3. Emotionally Dysregulated: tendency for emotions to spiral out of control, to have difficulty self-soothing, and to have problems with identity and impulsivity
4. Reactive/Somatizing: physical and emotional reactivity to criticism and conflicts, tend to be critical, controlling, anxious, and angry
5. High-functioning: articulate, conscientious, energetic, creative, empathic

The researchers then tracked the risk of mental health disorders for each subtype. They found that Emotionally Dysregulated and Reactive/Somatizing adults had the highest rates of major depression. The Emotionally Dysregulated adults also had the highest rates of borderline personality disorder. Externalizing adult children were more likely to be diagnosed with substance use disorder and antisocial personality disorder. Those in the Inhibited subtype had the highest rates of generalized anxiety disorder. Finally, those in the High-functioning group had the lowest rates of mental health disorders.