The Link Between Young Adult Breakups and Suicidal Behavior
Reading Time: 7 minutesRomantic breakups are painful regardless of your age. The longer and more central the relationship has been, the deeper the heartache. But when young adults end relationships with a significant other, they suffer more than their parents might expect.
Some young people experience a full-blown crisis after a bad breakup. In fact, research has uncovered a link between young adult breakups and suicidal behavior. Let’s look at why breakups are so painful at this age, warning signs to watch for, and how parents can help.
Key Takeaways
- Romantic breakups are linked to a higher risk of suicide in young adults.
- Limited life experience, incomplete brain development, and hormone imbalances contribute to making breakups especially hard for young people.
- Young adults are at greater risk of suicide after a breakup if they have a mental health condition, a substance use problem, or a family member who attempted or died by suicide.
- If a young adult is heartbroken after a breakup, give them permission to grieve, empathize with their feelings, and support them in seeking out close friends and/or professional help.
What Young Adults Experience After a Breakup
After a breakup, young adults can go through a range of emotions and exhibit various behaviors. Some might struggle with sleep; others may have difficulty getting out of bed. Losing interest in friends, school, or food isn’t unusual. Some young adults can be irritable or sob uncontrollably.
Some breakups are so devastating that young adults feel as if their whole world is crashing down. Their ability to function at work, school, or at home can be seriously compromised. They may struggled to follow through on social, academic, or professional commitments, because concentrating feels nearly impossible.
For some young people, a breakup is a traumatic event. In fact, one study of university students between 18 and 25 years old found a significant association between the dissolution of a romantic relationship and post-traumatic stress symptoms. Young adults can also experience intrusive, ruminating thoughts after a breakup, leading to increased substance use or self-harm. A breakup can even trigger suicidal ideation.
Why Break-Ups Are Especially Hard on Young Adults
When you’re young, your life experience is limited. Most young adults have had few serious romantic relationships and few, if any, serious breakups. Because of this, a heartbreak can feel as if the pain will never abate.
After a breakup, they may fear they’ll never fall in love again, especially if they hoped to marry their partner. And since they’re too young to have endured the inevitable ups and downs of romantic love, it’s hard for them to take the long view and know that their suffering will pass and love will come around again.
As well, young adults’ brains aren’t fully mature until their mid-20s. In teenagers and many young adults, the frontal lobe, which affects impulse control and emotional reactions, is still in development.
If you consider the fact that young adults’ hormones may not be in balance until their early 20s, it’s easier to understand why they feel breakups more acutely. The end of a significant relationship can cause a serious blow a young person’s sense of self.
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Who’s Most at Risk of Suicide After a Breakup?
Not all young adults become suicidal after a breakup. According to a study of 370 university students, however, there’s a significant association between young adult breakups and suicidal behavior. Breakups can be especially brutal for young adults with mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, or bipolar disorder. Handling the stress of a breakup is harder because they lack the psychological fortitude to process and cope with loss.
Furthermore, young adults with family members who have attempted or died by suicide are at higher risk of suicidal thinking when a romantic relationship ends. Other risk factors include having a substance use disorder, lacking a strong support system, and having easy access to firearms or pills. Additionally, if a young person’s family doesn’t accept their gender or sexual orientation, the risk of suicidal behavior or suicide attempts increases.
Why are breakups and suicidal behavior linked? It’s not just about feeling sad and rejected. For young people whose parents or caregivers were physically or emotionally unavailable, inconsistent, or explosive, breakups can activate deep childhood wounds. They can feel abandoned even if they made the decision to end the relationship. And sometimes an ex can be a painful reminder of an emotionally distant parent who withheld love. In this way, unhealed childhood wounds can trigger suicidal thoughts after a breakup.
Warning Signs of Suicidal Ideation
According to the World Health Organization, suicide is the fourth leading cause of death among 15- to 29-year-olds. Family members and close friends should pay close attention to a young adult’s behavior after a breakup. Here are some red flags to watch for:
- Marked changes in sleeping or eating patterns
- Becoming noticeably less social and more withdrawn
- Intense mood swings
- Increased use of drugs and/or alcohol
- Risky, self-destructive behavior
- Giving away personal things for no reason
- Talking about suicide or writing about it on social media, saying things like, “I want to disappear,” or “You won’t have to put up with me much longer”
If your young adult exhibits even one of these behaviors, take it seriously. They could be at risk of suicide.
What to Do If Your Young Adult Child Is Exhibiting Suicidal Behavior
If your adult child is in danger right at this moment, contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988. Crisis counselors are available 24/7 to link you to emergency services in your area.
If you suspect your child is contemplating suicide, talk to them. You may not feel comfortable talking about the topic, but it’s important to address it head on. Let them know you’re genuinely concerned. Ask them if what you sense is true and then listen. Don’t jump in with advice. And don’t downplay or dismiss their problems. Instead, validate their feelings. Let them know you love them no matter what. Assure them they aren’t alone. Promise them they can deal with whatever is happening because they have unwavering support.
In addition to the support of family members and close friends, accessing psychological support is critical for people who are suicidal. A psychiatrist, psychologist, or other licensed mental health professional can help suicidal young adults create a safety plan that specifies what they’ll do if their suicidal thoughts continue or worsen. Having a safety plan increases the likelihood that a young adult won’t engage in self-harm even when they’re at their worst.
How to Help a Young Adult Through a Break-Up
Even if a young adult isn’t suicidal, they may still be suffering greatly after a breakup. At the end of a romantic relationship, don’t be surprised if your adult child is emotional, withdrawn, or seemingly lost. People experience heartache in countless ways.
You may feel like there’s nothing you can do, but it’s possible to help your young adult child heal. Bring sensitivity and compassion to your interactions as much as possible, and try these strategies:
Give Them Permission to Grieve
We live in a culture that expects us to bounce back from loss in a week or two, but that’s not realistic. Human beings are more likely to be able to move on if they’ve allowed themselves to feel their feelings. Tell your adult child that it’s normal to cry, pound a pillow, write in a journal, and talk about what they’re feeling—even if what they’re feeling isn’t pretty. You might even suggest they read about the various stages of grief.
Encourage Them to See Friends
If your young adult child feels comfortable talking to you, that’s heartening. Remember, though, that you’re not a substitute for close friends. Your child can likely be more open with their peers, many of whom have gone through their own breakups more recently. Because they’re at a similar stage in life, friends can offer a more targeted level of support. They can relate in more timely ways and share helpful coping strategies. For young adults, open conversations with close friends are as important—sometimes even more important—than open conversations with parents.
Advocate Self-Care
If a young person is especially bereft after a breakup, they may want to curl into a ball as they process what happened. Some quiet, “wallowing” time to process can be beneficial. but remind your child that self-nurturing can facilitate their healing, too. Encourage them to be good to themselves by getting adequate sleep, eating enough, engaging in some form of physical movement, spending time in nature, enjoying a massage, practicing meditation, or trying a new hobby. Tell them it’s more important than ever to give themselves tender loving care.
Empathize
Rather than badmouth their ex or insist there are other fish in the sea, relate to your young adult’s pain. Let them know you understand the depths of their suffering—maybe you’ve even been there, as most of us have. You might share the grief you experienced after a painful breakup in your younger years. Validating your child’s feelings and letting them know you understand can help assuage their pain.
Suggest Professional Help
Sometimes, talking to parents and friends isn’t enough. Young people who are having suicidal thoughts should access professional care immediately. College students can turn to campus mental health services for psychological help. Others some might benefit from more comprehensive treatment in an intensive outpatient or inpatient program.
Treatment for Young Adult Breakups and Suicidal Behavior
At Newport Institute, we take suicidal ideation and post-breakup distress very seriously. We help young adults look past the present distress to find the root cause—whether it’s past trauma, lack of self-esteem, and attachment wounds.
Our integrated team of medical and clinical experts employ a variety of evidence-based modalities to help young adults build resilience, heal from past trauma, and develop healthy coping skills. These include Attachment-Based Family Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, and experiential approaches like art, music, and yoga therapy. As young adults become more self-aware and learn to regulate their emotions, they begin to live in the present and ruminate less about the past. And they begin to feel hope and excitement for the future again.
Contact us today to discover more about our individualized treatment for young adult depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation. To learn how our treatment reduces young adult depression by 50 percent in a matter of weeks, view and download our outcomes research.
Frequently Asked Questions
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