Why It’s Hard to Find Friends as a Young Adult

Finding quality friendships in young adulthood, after you’re out of college, can be challenging. Changes in routine, new responsibilities, and transitions like starting a new job or moving to a different city can make it hard to find friends as a young adult.

Communities have become more fragmented as reliance on technology has increased. You can travel anywhere, live anywhere, and work from anywhere, making friendships harder to kindle and build.

However, young adults still have many options for developing relationships, even if it requires a little resilience and adjusted expectations.

What You’ll Learn

• Why does friendship feel more difficult in young adulthood?
• How does friendship impact mental health?
• How do you find friends in young adulthood?
• What should you do if your mental health is getting worse?

Why Friendship Feels Harder in Young Adulthood

Young adults who try to make and keep new friends may feel like it’s much more difficult than it was when they were kids. It’s not their imagination.

As a child, teen, and college student, you spend every weekday—or every day, in college—with others in your age group, sharing the same goals and environment. Plus, you’re connected to your family’s network, your neighborhood, and the people you grew up around.

Here are some reasons why making friends can be harder in young adulthood:

• Social media: Online interactions take up more and more of our time. You might end up posting, commenting, or direct messaging all day without having quality real-life interactions.
• Transitions: Change is a big part of young adulthood. Graduating from college, moving to a new city, taking a new job, or starting a new relationship can all require adjustments that affect friendships.
• Bigger Responsibilities: You may be suddenly paying all your own bills and maintaining a home or apartment. Balancing a budget, navigating job and promotion opportunities, filing taxes, and funding repairs can eat up a lot of your emotional energy, “fun” money, and social time.
• Work Demands: Whether you work contract gigs or a 9-to-5 job, work can take up a tremendous amount of space on your calendar. Connecting with coworkers can be great, but it doesn’t always translate into lasting friendships. And working from home can minimize those social connections even more.
• Parenting: If you become a young parent, you may find that your time is even more limited. It’s hard to meet up with peers when you’re dependent on a nap schedule or a babysitter.

How Friendship Impacts Mental Health

Why is it important to keep seeking friendships? Because research shows that friendship has a powerful impact on our mental health.

Frontiers in Psychology reports that friendship is positively associated with well-being. According to a study in the Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences, friendship has a biochemical effect on the brain, activating our beta-endorphins, which reduce stress and increase calm and relaxation.

The study found that having about five good friends can have a notably positive effect on mental health. However, the benefits of having even one quality friend should not be underestimated.

Navigating Expectations in Young Adult Friendship

Setting appropriate expectations for your friendships can help support your well-being. If you’re someone who’s always had close friends, you might expect your new connections to be deep and intense right away. It’s important to give them space and time to evolve and grow.

When it comes to finding friends or a chosen family in young adulthood, it helps to understand that the process of is not always quick or linear. Adult friendships can shift and change shape over time. They may go dormant and then reactivate later. They may get stronger or weaker through distance or adversity—and you might lose friends along the way.

Making and maintaining friends may require you to put in more effort than feels natural, especially at first. Remember that most of us feel this way—it’s not just you. And remember also that loneliness is also something to be accepted rather than feared. It’s not a sign of failure, but an experience most of us have at one time or another.

How to Find Friends in Young Adulthood

Here are a few ways to increase your chances of making friends and building community:

Look for interest groups.

One way to start developing positive social interactions is to join a group based on your interests, whether it’s pickleball, sewing, cycling, crafting, gardening, hiking, basketball, books, or kayaking.

See what’s available in your local community and connect over something you personally enjoy. One study found that people with similar brain activity are more likely to engage in similar activities and are also more likely to form a long-lasting friendship.

Find values-based groups or institutions.

You have an opportunity to connect with people who share your values when you join a church, get a museum membership, or volunteer with a nonprofit or political group.

When you explore what’s known as “third places” (outside of home and school), you have the opportunity to meet with people who share your beliefs. This can lead to shared experiences and stronger friendships.

Tap into proximity.

Who do you see on a regular basis? Invite your coworkers to hang out after hours or to join you for events on the weekends. Consider meeting your neighbors and becoming more involved with your POA or apartment community. Start conversations at the dog park.

There may be others you see often who are seeking friendship but just don’t know how to break the ice. If it feels safe, be a friend to make a friend.

Don’t give up on long-distance friendships.

It may be challenging to keep up when you’re not physically near the friends you’ve had before, but even a short catch-up phone call or FaceTime can improve your well-being.

Continue reaching out, even if it’s a text message here or there. Connecting with old friends who love and appreciate you can give you a boost of confidence for reaching out to new ones.

Mental Health Treatment for Young Adults

It’s normal to have a hard time making friends in young adulthood. But if you feel isolated, overwhelmed, and too anxious or exhausted to reach out to others, it’s time to seek professional support.

At Newport Institute, our program is designed to meet the needs of young adults. Our tailored treatment plans for depression, anxiety, trauma, and other conditions support relationship-building, self-worth, and resilience. Contact us today to learn more.

Frequently Asked Questions