Do You Have Relationship Anxiety? Here’s How to Tell

At their best, relationships are a source of comfort, closeness, and a sense of belonging. But when anxiety enters the picture, a relationship can begin to feel uncertain, overwhelming, and confusing.  

Many people live with what’s known as relationship anxiety. It can look like worrying about the slightest shift in a partner’s tone, focusing excessively on a partner’s feelings, struggling with attachment insecurities, or navigating the stress of dating while managing anxiety.  

While it can feel challenging to cope with, relationship anxiety is not a dealbreaker. With the proper support, it’s possible to overcome anxiety about relationships and build strong, fulfilling partnerships. 

What You’ll Learn

• What is relationship anxiety?
• What are the signs that anxiety might be influencing your relationship? 
• How do different attachment styles contribute to relationship anxiety? 
• How can you support a partner who lives with anxiety? 

What Is Relationship Anxiety?   

Relationship anxiety is a chronic feeling of unease and fear in a romantic relationship. While most people experience occasional doubts or insecurity, relationship anxiety tends to linger, creating a background hum of worry about being hurt, abandoned, or not enough.  

These feelings can trigger behaviors like overanalyzing your partner’s words, pulling away to avoid rejection, or clinging tightly to maintain a connection. Managing constant what-ifs is exhausting for both partners. Left unchecked, this cycle of emotional tension can destabilize even strong and healthy partnerships.  

Learning to distinguish between normal concerns and persistent fear is key to building sustainable relationships grounded in trust.  

7 Signs of Relationship Anxiety 

While relationship anxiety looks different for each person, here are some common ways it shows up. 

1. Feeling unsafe

Misattunement or inconsistent care from caretakers in early life shapes the way adults relate to loved ones. These attachment patterns can include anxiety, avoidance, or a combination that makes closeness or trust in relationships more difficult. Broken trust within previous romantic relationships can also impact future connections. All of this leads to feeling unsafe and insecure, even within a healthy partnership. 

2. Constant worries about the relationship

Someone with relationship anxiety may replay conversations, doubt the other person’s statements or feelings, ruminate on whether their partner is upset, or fear that minor misunderstandings mean something bigger.  

3. Needing extra reassurance

People experiencing relationship anxiety often have a persistent need for reassurance, including repeated affirmations of love and commitment. Seeking occasional reassurance, especially after a conflict or argument, is a natural response. Being unable to stop asking for it, even when there’s nothing outwardly wrong, can indicate a deeper level of anxiety. 

4. Difficulty relaxing

Every relationship has its challenges and rough patches. However, relationship anxiety hinders the ability to relax in a relationship truly. When constant fear takes the reins and someone is unable to sink into the joy and presence of a loved one, anxiety may be at play. 

5. Emotional withdrawal

When anxiety becomes too intense, someone may need a lot of space to process their feelings, step back from communication, or spend more time alone. Taking alone time is a normal and healthy part of a partnership. Still, when someone is holding the other person at arm’s length because of underlying worries, it might be a result of relationship anxiety.  

6. Fear of abandonment

When you have a disproportionate level of fear about being left behind, even when things are going well, relationship anxiety may be at play. 

7. Finding problems everywhere you look

People with relationship anxiety are in a constant state of nervous system dysregulation and hypervigilance, which can cause them to seek out issues or concerns in relationships even when there aren’t any. A slight change of tone, a text that feels short, or an interaction that feels a little off can all send someone with anxiety into a spiral. 

For a partner, these behaviors may feel confusing or even hurtful. But most often, the other person is doing their best to cope with feelings that are bigger than they can manage in the moment. Understanding the complexity of anxiety opens the door to understanding and empathy instead of a rupture in connection. 

How Insecure Attachment Styles Play a Role in Relationship Anxiety 

Early experiences often shape the way people connect in relationships. Attachment styles developed during infancy and childhood can influence how people give and receive love as adults. Anxiety plays a role in various types of attachment styles.

Anxious attachment 

People with this style may fear being abandoned, even in safe and loving relationships. They might check in frequently, seek reassurance, or feel unsettled if their partner seems distant.  

What to do to support a partner with anxious attachment: 

• If you’re feeling distant or stressed by something that isn’t about the relationship, let them know so they don’t wonder if it’s about them. 
• If you have a challenging conversation that you need to take a break from, let them know you need a time out. Give them a time frame for when you’ll be ready to continue the conversation. 
• Communicate clearly and frequently, rather than leaving things unsaid. 
• Set gentle boundaries for yourself to prevent burnout. 

Avoidant attachment

Those with avoidant attachment may downplay their need for closeness. While it tends to look like aloofness, avoidant and anxious attachments often both stem from anxiety.

People with this type of attachment style usually received messages in childhood that their attachment needs wouldn’t be met, so they learned to become overly independent to avoid getting hurt. Anxiety about being vulnerable can make them pull back or seem distant when intimacy grows. 

Here are some ways to support a partner with avoidant attachment: 

• Respect their need for space.
• Ask them what they need to feel safe, and help them come up with ideas. 
• Encourage them to track their emotions and behaviors so they can start to understand when and why they become distant. 
• Gently remind them that connection doesn’t have to mean losing independence. 

Disorganized attachment

This style blends both anxious and avoidant tendencies. A partner might crave closeness but then become distressed when they receive it, creating a confusing push-pull pattern.  

Here are some helpful ways to show up for a partner with disorganized attachment: 

• Name and normalize their mixed feelings of wanting closeness and feeling scared by it at the same time. 
• Reassure without trying to fix their feelings, which can backfire. For example, you can simply say, “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” 
• Talk about which triggers might set off their anxious behaviors and which might amplify their avoidance. 
• Encourage them to track their emotions and behaviors so they can start to find patterns. 

Regardless of attachment style, therapy can help uncover the deeper roots of fear, build stability, and support healthier ways of connecting. 

How to Deal with Relationship Anxiety

Relationship anxiety can feel all-consuming. Finding the proper support, including learning how to soothe yourself, can help you navigate it and calm your fears. Here are some ways to cope with anxiety in relationships.

Learn more about anxiety and its impacts

Understanding how anxiety works can help you feel less alone and give you context for your experiences. Learn about different forms of anxiety—such as panic disorder, social anxiety, or relationship OCD—and think about how anxiety might play a role in your life and relationships.

Understand your triggers

Start to take note of what sets off your anxiety. Is it receiving a text that feels short? Are you noticing that your partner seems distracted? Do minor misunderstandings or moments of disconnection turn into something much bigger or feel catastrophic?

If your worries are caused by something within the relationship itself, like feeling ignored, shamed, or treated poorly, your anxiety might be telling you something is seriously off. However, if your worries persist regardless of the other person’s actions, you work on addressing them, both on your own and with your partner.

Practice self-soothing techniques

Mindfulness practices, such as holding a hand to your heart, breathing slowly and deeply, or taking a walk in a relaxing setting, can help shift you out of a stress response. When you notice anxiety arising, pause and consider what’s happening rather than reacting out of fear in the moment.

Talk openly about your fears

Sharing your anxiety with your partner can make you feel vulnerable. But if they’re in the dark about what’s going on, it’s a lot harder for both of you to manage anxiety.

Feeling seen and acknowledged can go a long way in calming anxiety. If this person is “your person,” they will respond with compassion and understanding. In fact, research shows that communication and support in handling one partner’s anxiety can actually strengthen the relationship.

Take responsibility for your well-being

Relationship anxiety isn’t your fault, but you’re still responsible for your behaviors and responses. It’s not all on your partner to help you cope with anxiety, and they can’t regulate your system for you.

Make sure you’re taking care of yourself in ways that feel good. Engaging in hobbies, cultivating other healthy relationships, and getting enough sleep and exercise can help you create a more balanced life.

Find the right support

You don’t have to cope with anxiety on your own. Individual or couples’ therapy with trained professionals can give you and your partner strategies and tools to grow, heal, cope with anxiety, and move forward together with mutual understanding.

Relationship Anxiety Support at Newport Institute

Newport Institute is the leading provider of comprehensive, evidence-based behavioral healthcare for young adults up to age 35 who are strugging with anxiety, depression, PTSD, OCD, and other conditions. Our whole-person approach addresses every aspect of a young adult’s life, including relationships with significant others, family, and peers.

Every client in our programs receives an individualized treatment plan designed to address their unique needs. Across our centers nationwide, you’ll receive robust, evidence-based care, including psychiatry, therapy, academic or career support, group connection, and family involvement.

Reach out to learn more about us and our approach.

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